Old Maid
Hopper Augustus Miller | ©️ 2024 Alicia Kae Miller
I am childless or, as my friend K.D. says, a "child-free" cat lady and auntie by blood, marriage, and friendship to a handful of Generation Y+Zers.
When the term "childless cat lady" started floating around, it caused controversy partly because of its highly dismissive tone that did not resonate with many, including me.
Once the ringing in my ears stopped, my blood started to boil, making me wonder about feline-loving men who also happened to be kiddo-less. Did they empathize with their female counterparts and question their validity as leaders, too?
Further, did it occur to those who sit in judgment that there might be some deep-seated reason why someone might choose to pass on parenting in this lifetime?
As the proverbial sh✱t hit the fan, there was a lot of blame shifting but not much inquiry about people who chose to zig when others were zagging. So, I wanted to share my truth with you, which goes like this:
By age ten, I had endured two parental divorces. With a sense of security shattered, I was confident I did not want to pass that pain on to another human being. So, knowing what I knew, I proclaimed to my mom that I would not have offspring, and no one questioned me again until my twenties when the rubber hit the road.
For the next two decades, when I was honest about what I did not see in my future (progeny), countless people suggested:
You just haven't met the right guy yet.
Could you be gay?
Wow. You are selfish!
For the record, the ill-informed read me wrong - NO, NO, and NO.
As the leaders of our lives, we make hundreds of decisions every day, and I knew all along that it was my body and my choice, and eventually, I stopped explaining myself. From my perch, it wasn't about meeting the right person, being LGBTQIA+, selflessness, or that I don't like kids; I just never wanted to have any for myself.
Until we meet again, with the presence of empathy, you are never alone. ❤️
Yours in Solidarity, -akm
September 2024